May this encourage you always.

Life is simply a matter of concentration:
you are what you set out to be.
You are a composite of the things you say, the books you read, the thoughts you
think, the company you keep, and the things you desire to become. B.C. Forbes

I received this as an email while I was deleting contacts and phone numbers in my cell. Not important numbers, but ones that I thought were important or useful at one time or another and I have moved on past that relationship to the point where I know I won't ever need to speak to these people for what ever reason. Anyway, check out the email...strange coincidence?

Don't spend major time with minor people. If there are people in your life that continually disappoint you, break promises, stomp on your dreams, too judgmental, have different values and don't have your back during difficult times...that is not a friend.

To have a friend, be a friend. Sometimes in life as you grow, your friends will either grow or go. Surround yourself with people who reflect values, goals interests and lifestyle.

When I think of any of my successes, I am thankful to GOD from whom all blessings flow, and to my family ! and friends that enrich my life.

Over the years my phone book has changed because I changed for the better. At first you think you're going to be alone, but after a while new people show up in your life that make your life so much sweeter and easier to endure.
Remember what your elders used to say, "Birds of a feather flock together. If you're an eagle, don't hang around chickens: Chickens Can't Fly!"

I love the Lord and thank Him for all that He does in my life, He is my source of existence. He keeps me functioning each and everyday. Without Him, I will be nothing. Without Him, I am nothing but with Him I can do all things. Phil 4:13

Be Positive - Be Progressive - Take the time to make a positive difference in someone's life.

Walk by faith
Not by sight

Sometimes, the best time I have is just being. At home, on the couch, turn off the phone, and sit with Maddax reading or playing, just doing nothing. I love my son and I am a good mother and that makes me happy. Our bond we have is not comparable to any other mother/child bond of anyone else I know. For one, because it is just the two of us. Our time together is consumed with each and that makes it special. Yes, he gets tired of me and I know that, which I think he is pretty tired of me right now. I can always tell when we are getting on each others nerves and need a break ...he wakes up in a bad mood and when I pick him up from school he is happy to see me at first, then when we get in the car he just sits looking bored. Then I get all yippy and happy and try to talk to him and he tells me, "hush, Mommy. You not my friend." Of course he doesn't mean it and I know that so I keep on aggravating the mess out of him. Sorry, Maddax I am your friend and you are mine. You are my best friend and a blessing. With you, there is no judging or degrading. You are security instead of insecurity and love instead of betrayal. And I know that no matter what you will always love me...Unconditionally. I will always love you, no matter what. You are my strength and my weakness. You hold my hand when it looks as though I am holding yours. You make me see the truth in the world around us. Through your innocent eyes you help me see the small things...the important things.

Maddax is also very lucky to have many grandparents that love him and want to keep him so often. They are such a big help to me and do not even know it. More than that, though, he loves them all very much, which is important to me. I had very strong relationships with my grandparents and I miss the ones that are gone so much and it is amazing how often I think of them. They had such an outstanding impact on my life as a small child and as an adult now. I am fortunate enough to have both of my mother's parents still with me. The thought of losing them, my mom and my pop, makes me hurt all over. I was thinking the other day if something happened to my grandmother I would have to be put somewhere b/c I love her so much. She is the most beautiful part of our family. Thank you, to my parents, for giving me the opportunity to know my grandparents in a way that I don't think all children get to. I feel like I was raised by both in a way, my parents and grandparents. I want only the same experience for Maddax and boy is he lucky to have so many that love him. I have actually been criticized for letting him go to see his grandparents too much. Probably every other weekend he goes to stay with one grandparent or another, and to some people I guess that seems like too much. It doesn't seem like too much to me and it sure doesn't to Maddax. He loves them, dearly and they love him. It seems very fortunate to me.

Fun in the Bathroom

I am so exhausted and happy. Ms. Debbie and I painted my bathroom last night. First we went an ate at Good Damn Pies ( or Damn Good Pies)!!! Yummy!!! Then we painted and painted and painted and Maddax helped and we painted some more. We kind of screwed up some parts because the guy at True Value gave her the wrong kind of caulk. It was the kind that you can't paint over, but we managed. I am so excited and happy that my bathroom looks so much better. The color is a little darker than I thought it would be, but I still really like it. YEAH!!! Now I am more motivated to paint the rest of the house and I have learned a thing or two about caulking. HA HA. We had fun and talked and gossiped which is the fun part about painting until the a.m. hours. I enjoyed getting to spend some time with Ms. Debbie the most. Thank you so much for helping me. Oh yeah, we also removed that ugly, ugly, ugly mirror!!! I can't wait to go home and just sit in my bathroom.

dum, dum, da, dump...

hold on to your party hats....the wedding is off.

Better now than five or six months down the road, I guess. I don't know really what to say about it. There is nothing I can say, except that it must not be meant to be (and I know so well that those words hold no comforting). Yes, she returned the ring and broke poor Jon's heart. Damn her...BIATCH!!!

One more thing...

congratulations!!! To my brother and sarah...
They are engaged and set to be married on May 20th!!! Her ring is beautiful and I am so happy for them. Good Luck!!! (my dad does not know yet and my brother wants to tell him face to face...so people reading, please do not ruin this for him..THANKYOU!!!)
This is suprising news...a little, but they are great and happy so I am happy for them. I am still in shock, he told me this morning. They made it official last night. My mother and grandmother have known!!!!!!! I don't know how they kept this a secret. Her parents knew also. WOW!!!

I've Been Resting...

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it."If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on." "As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."

"Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax, and pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!"

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.* Never buy a car you can't push.* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.* The second mouse gets the cheese.* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour

There is so much truth in this and how stress and burdens that we carry around with us tear us apart. I know people who are mad, mad all the time its seems and nothing changes that. I know people who are mad about stuff that happened a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, five years ago...let it go people. I know I am "too forgiving" but that is me because I do not like feel mad and stressed all the time. It eats at you and effects all the people who come in contact with you. I have personally seen this...it is all around. I think if people would spend more time forgiving and forgetting where they are burdened and less time worrying and torturing themselves and people around them, then they would find themselves a lot happier people. You know, it is a sin to worry...that is God's job. So take a break, let your heart and your shoulders rest awhile...give it away to someone who really does care and wants to listen and worry for you.

Rambling Thoughts

I haven't managed to paint my bathroom, yet. This has been my main objective for weeks now. I have the paint and everything, but I guess I am lacking the energy and want to.

Maddax is home from vacation with his Dad, finally. He has been away since Friday afternoon. I am so glad he is home and have missed him terribly. While he was gone I rearranged my bedroom a little, he saw it last night was truly amazed (i also cleaned it up!!!). He said, "oh, Mommy, look!" I was like "yeah, I know...I finally cleaned my room. " He said, "awe, its beautiful." Thank you, Maddax. Even coming from a three year old, it made me feel pretty good. Actually, coming from him, it means more than being said by anyone else.

I went to church Monday night. I liked it and will probably go back. I may try the Sunday service to see how it is. It is nice that there is a Monday night service and Maddax can go, of course. How convenient when you travel a lot on the weekends! Everyone was friendly and nice, a little different from the smalltown church I am used to (not the friendly and nice part, just different in general). I think as adults who are raised in those small churches and move away it is very hard to find somewhere that seems to "fit." But we must evolve from that, I guess and open up to the new and the change of everything as we grow older. As children everything is laid out for you and then, somewhere along the way the path seems to widen and turn and become very blurry at times. Nothing is clear and straight. Not anymore.

Chris and Aaron are having a baby girl!!! Congratulations to you both. It is the reason I get up in the morning...well, my son is. And soon you, too will be blessed with the "can I please just sleep for five more minutes, it is only 4:45 in the morning, just one more minute...I know you are hungry and your diaper is wet, but really, I am tired...and didn't we just do this two hours ago?" dream of a life that will never be the same. It is truly the hardest, but most rewarding experience of the rest of your life. That is something no one can tell you about, explain to you, advise you on or understand until they have been there. A child will test you in ways you thought were unimaginable and bless in ways you thought were unimaginable too. Congratulations, again...on this wonderful journey you are about to experience.

Hmmm, what else to write about? This weekend I spend most of my time doing absolutely nothing, which was wonderful. Jess and I laid out at the country club on Sunday and that was awesome. The day was beautiful. We watched like five movies and painted our toe nails and talked about girl stuff Saturday and Saturday night. We watched Diary of A Mad Black Woman. TWICE. That movie is the best. It has Oprah was so RIGHT! about this one written all over it. We watched, Hitch, which was good, also. I am huge Will Smith fan, though. We watched Spanglish and then Adam Sandler, The Best of Saturday Night Live. Lots of laughs.

WEIRD RECURRENCE...

Okay, I have about 5 minutes to post so here goes....

Starting about two weeks ago I had this really weird dream, weird b/c three of the people in the dream I did not know. Even weirder (if that is a word), I have been having similar dreams since. I DO NOT EVER REMEMBER DREAMS...Ok, seriously. This is freaking me out. One person in the dream is a little girl, about two or three in age with brownish colored hair. Her hair is curly, like ringlets, curly. The two adult people w/ her both have brown hair, I think. I know the guy does and he is not a tall guy, but more stocky. I think these must be her parents. The scenario of the dreams are not that important, I don't think b/c nothing is really happening. Just mostly conversation or very little action, except the look on this little girl's face is bothering me. It is like she is mocking me or wanting to talk to me all through the dream. I think she must like me, I don't know.

Last night, Maddax was in the dream. We were walking on the beach. I was walking kind of away from "everyone" else. He [Maddax] was holding some guys hand and kind of behind me. Didn't see the face of this guy, just from Maddax's head to where it reached on the guys body and down. Ok, here comes a weird looking snake. Maddax and guy go out towards the water and I step on the snake and squash its head until it was dead. After that, I look out toward the water and the couple and little girl are in the water. The little girl is laughing and pointing at me. It seems all the people were amused that I killed the snake (yeah, on the beach, I know...far fetched a little, but it was a dream).

What the hell does this mean? And who are these people?

I will keep you posted on other recurrences of this...and the former dreams, but I don't have time right now.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SISTER!!!
YOU ARE OFFICIALLY OLD...just kidding.
I hope you have a great birthday and do something special. When you get my card in the mail try not to pee your pants when you laugh!!!! THE JOYS OF AGING. I love you and hope your day is wonderful. I wish I could come and eat some cake w/ guys. I am thinking of you!!!!

WHO I AM...

These are things just about me...

1. I was born in Monroe, Louisiana
2. I am left-handed
3. I love to write (creatively that is)
4. I am an artist
5. I am 5'8'', but 3-4 inches taller most of the time b/c I love to wear HIGH HEELS!!!
6. I am obsessed w/ shoes, purses, belts and bracelets!!!
7. I have a hard time taking "no" for an answer
8. I am a single mother, BY CHOICE
9. I do NOT receive any government assistance WHATSOEVER...so, NO, your tax dollars are not paying for anything of mine...(just to clear up the stereotype)
10. Seafood is my favorite
11. I hate tacos and anything and everything to do w/ the meat and sauce that goes in them
12. In the last three years I have became a mom, gotten married, gotten unmarried, became a commissioned artist, moved SEVEN times, (four times to and from different cities and once to another state), graduated college, accepted and attended graduate school, took on a profession(not all in order) and somehow maintained my sanity.
13. I am more sane now than was before the earlier three years (see no. 12)
14. I believe in soul mates...there is someone for everyone
15. I am a very spiritual person
16. I believe all things do happen for a reason
17. I believe in second chances
18. I would choose love over ANY amount of money
19. I give my friends the shirt off my back and DO NOT expect them to return it
20. I cannot tolerate a LIAR
21. I am not a morning person
22. Do not ask me to repeat myself over and over...that is aggravating
23. I love coffee
24. I could live on diet coke and wheat thins
25. My parents are divorced
26. I am fascinated by people
27. I want to start my own magazine and/or business
28. I like to volunteer
29. Telling someone you love them and showing someone you love them are two totally different things
30. I have been blessed with many people that love me
31. I forgive people too easily
32. I balance my checkbook to the penny
33. I am a LEO
34. I love cold weather and football
35. I don't worry about the price of gas
36. the city vs. the country...I love them both
37. I haven't received flowers from a "significant other" in...well, so many years I could say never and feel like I was telling the truth
38. I love music...all music
39. I feel like I have lived an interesting life so far
40. I don't do anything by the book
41. I will marry the man that buys me a jewelry box
42. I want a bigger car
43. I am not satisfied in my current occupational position
44. I love to live by the moment
45. My grandfather raised ostriches and emus at one time
46. My mother almost named me Clairese
47. I was conceived while she was on birthcontrol...HA HA (sorry mother)
48. yeah, my hair really is this color
49. I do not own any scales
50. I can do a backhand spring
51. I LOVE the water
52. I never thought I would have a child (but I am so glad I do, you are my joy)
53. I have a weakness for Doritoes
54. Gin and Tonic w/ two limes by favorites, but choose beer...getting drunk is not attractive
55. I jumped off the top of my grandfather's (Daddy Boy) barn once
56. I believe that if you can visualize yourself doing something, then you CAN do it
57. I have two tattoos
58. I hate one of them
59. I would rather not date a man w/ children
60. Everyone in family on my paternal side goes by a nickname
61. Mine is Jenna V or V
62. I do not have any ugly relatives...which I think is kind of weird.
63. Five years ago I thought I would be living in NYC writing right now
64. Religion interest me...all religions and their differences and similarities
65. I prefer big dogs over small ones
66. I am not my friends
67. I have a weakness for expensive jeans and shoes
68. I love being outside
69. I will go to the store without my makeup
70. I am going to write a book (sometime :))
71. I am Pro Choice
72. My favorite color is blue, all shades
73. I love my grandparents and miss them dearly
74. I can play the piano...(sorta...one song by memory)
75. I can play the guitar...(but, I suck at that for sure)
76. I love words, different words and there meaning
77. My spontaneity makes me who I am
78. I have a Bachelor's degree in English
79. I still put a comma before "and" in a series...HA HA...can't teach an old dog new tricks!
80. I know of three people born on the same day as me that are also lefthanded
81. I am very laid-back person
82. I want to travel all over the world with my son
83. I get a rush from driving in heavy traffic (that is moving!!!)
84. I want to go to Italy
85. I find confidence and comfort in knowing who I am
86. I love flowers
87. I like spending some time alone
88. I learned at a very young age that the most awesome purse is not complete w/ out matching shoes...thank you, Aunt Nemmie.
89. I like to walk barefoot in the mud
90. My middle name is Marie, after my Grandmother
91. Just b/c people have a degree/certification in something does not mean they are experts or lack the ability to make mistakes...see #76 :}
92. Driving relaxes me
93. I can stay in Wal-Mart/Target for HOURS
94. AR, LA, MS, MI, MO, TX, AL, FL, NC, SC, GA, NM, AZ, NV, CO, OK, KY are the states I've been to...and TN (duh, I lived there!!)
95. I need to get out more...
96. I love breakfast food, at all times of the day
97. And Little Debbies
98. I like to read celebrity gossip
99. I am not a very good blogger...but trying to do better!

Will finish this later.