sara sara sara sara sara

can't read it.

BUT ITS GONNA BE FUN.

other people make me feel like somewhere down the road i have failed.

or failed them.
there is something they tried to find for me.
they didn't find it.
its that my fault?
what if i found it myself?
happiness is not something someone can give you.
you only acheive it yourself.
i cannot make up for mistakes that you made.
you cannot live through me.
i am not yours to guide or choose or direct.
i am my own.
you may join me.
you may not take me.
i have to get there myself.
if i am there.
you should be happy.
or do people just envy happy?

what do you do when the one you help is helped?
i still need you.
just not in that way.
show me you can learn from me.

or are you waiting.
for the disaster.
the i fucked up.
the walls to fall.
the i told you so.

the lose all.
the gain all.
importance.

i have failed you.
your eye of me.

river rats

We are water babies.

Saturday we went swimming at Sara's...I didn't take pictures (darn) then, Maddax, Stella and I went swimming in the river with Grammie Sunday. We had a great time. We love Grammie. She is the best. I am so blessed to have her and so is baby Maddax.

After an interesting dinner at Senor's, (thanks to maddax and his newfound love for spanish...) we went and saw the new pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest. ok, long and drawn...but worth it. i was actually falling asleep. maddax and trent were totally inticed. i love johnny depp. i mean, i love him. from TEEN BOP Magazine to the cover of PEOPLE or Good Morning America. he still is my heart throb. the movie was great, full of actions and movement, but the lack of storyline made me sad. i am not sure if anyone else noticed. 2.5 hours of action packed battles and funny little johnny depp one-liners and keeping maddax's attention and no bathroom breaks...it gets four stars. for that feeling when the credits start to run and you just want to sit there and take it all in and watch it again or at least talk about it later...well, .75 of a star from me. maybe i need to see it again, but i am in depth movie watcher and for me to feel as if i have to watch something again...says something about the movie.

i still love johnny. i may spend the weekend with him in Chocolat, Neverland, The Secret Window or Fear and Loathing in LV.


and maddax and his spanish. its hilarious. let's just say, "hola, bebe!!!" oh, and calling our waiter Aaron (chris's husband) over and over...i think my diet coke flew outta my nose.

yesterday i went home from work checked the kitchen, nope...the bathroom, nope...bedroom, nope, not in here either

i caught myself in the middle of my hunt and wondered to myself "what the hell are you doing?" looking, i thought, "looking for what?" (yes, and now i am talking to myself)
a sign.
"a sign of what?"

nothing moved, pickedup, washed, thrown away, swept... no big THANK YOU sign anywhere

sometimes it would just be nice for someone to do something nice for me

almost caught up...

THE CAMPING TRIP OVER THE FOURTH





meet me in da club, its goin down....anywhere i be its garanteed to go down
Yep, Yung Joc...my son was actually singing that song in this picture. I asked him where he learned that song (b/c i was totally shocked when he started RAPPING) He said, Mommy's car and Daddy's car. I downloaded the song on my phone for him and he listens to it usually until the battery goes dead. Now where he got those finger pointin' big pimpin' dance moves from...we are yet to figure that one out, but we are blaming it on Daddy's car.


He is beautiful.


First time with fireworks. Loved It.






And, yes, I know. This is not such a great picture, but our expressions are exactly the same. We were pooped.

more catching up....

trip to spring river three weeks ago. we had a blast.


hmmm....guess you just had to be there

catching up...

more from maddax's 4th birthday party

I love this picture.
His little baby hands are so precious.

my baby.

slipnslide....wooooo hooooo

Precious ONE!!!

Happy 4th!!!

after pondering and pondering over what maddax and i were going to do for the fourth of july i finally decided on camping. with four days off from work i wanted to really do something fun for him and something we could do together. so...purchased a tent and whole lotta snack food and we set off to the buffalo river. we found a campsite about 15 miles outside of harrison. it was so neat. there was no one else there, just us...a huge sandbar and the river. it was so peaceful and relaxing, i cannot even begin to explain.

sleeping in the tent was something for him to get used to. at first he was scared of it and then finally he passed out....on my lap by the campfire. he learned how to roast marshmallows. (or might i say catch marshmallows on fire and blow them out) for most that know, maddax is not big on sweets, including marshmallows...but he is big on an awesome excuse to get to play in fire. he roasted the hell out of some marshmallows. didn't eat a one. two big bags burnt and crispy fried. i think that was his favorite part. the marshmallows or catching baby fish in the water with our butterfly net. i have lots of pictures and soon i will post them.

hope everyone had a great fourth.