Maddax went and stayed at his Grammie's house this weekend. Mom got a break. Thank God for Grammie and Grandad. We love them so.

I went to a birthday party Friday for a sweet friend of mine. We had a very good time. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to YOU!!! Then, two other friends came and kidnapped me from the birthday dinner. I went and did their hair and makeup before they went out. That was so much fun. I love fixing peoples hair...not too good with makeup, but it did look good. I think I missed my calling as a beautician, plus you get to see how much people like it and how good it makes them feel and that is more than worth it.

Saturday, Race for the Cure. Except I opted out for sleeping in and watching sappy movies in the bed all day. I know, shame on me. I actually got out of the bed at 5:30 in the afternoon. That was wonderful. More wonderful, getting supper brought to my house and then watching more movies.

Sunday, we went to Batesville to see Merle Haggard. Hee hee. We ate supper with Didi and she had us bags of Bath & Body Works presents. YEAH!!! Thank you to Didi. Supper was great, too. Jenn Jenn went to the concert with us. The concert was great of course. He didn't play one of my most favorite songs, and I was not too happy about that, but I will forgive, of course.
Got home after midnight and we stayed up for watching two more movies. I mean, really, how many movies can a person watch in a 1 1/2 days??? Seven, so far, counting two of which I watched twice.

Okay, you have got to try this...peanuts and candy corn, mix together, eat. What candy bar does it taste like???

When do you stop trying?
When do you give up?

Do you stop...do you give up?

Do you forget your past and only look towards the future? How do you let go of the past...is this suppose to be easy or suppose to be that hard? And can your future really not develop without letting go of your past? Why does the past come back? Why do things you try so hard to get over and forget pop back up? Why do things from your past that you want to remember and want to renew stay gone? Is that the way it is suppose to be? You constantly are having to deal with overcoming the negativity of your past in order to be a stronger person, but the good things from that time have disappeared, written-off, forgotten. What's to learn from that? Good times go away, but the bad times follow you around like a lost puppy. Ok, Ok, Ok, I have learned, I am stronger, I am happy with who I am...so go away. Stop testing me...let me be me and let those that want to be a part of my life reveal themselves and not be too scared or too worried about what everyone else thinks to say so.

Say that we all make mistakes, you and I...because we are human. Say that you have missed me. Say that you are my friend. Say these things because you mean them or don't say them because you don't feel that way, but don't keep from saying them because too much time has passed or because my small world is not welcome in your big one because someone may feel I don't belong. Say you love me because you do.

Don't say your sorry. Don't apologize to me because we have both been wrong. And two wrongs don't make anything right. It only puts real what we have done and maybe that is not wrong. We let go...we let go of things to see if it would make it better. But I didn't really let go...just put it in my pocket for awhile...I've still been carrying you around with me everyday...waiting to see what would happen and if things would be better. Things are better, so much better, but not because of the lack of you being here, but because when I let go of you...I let go of everything/everyone else as well. Doing that opened my eyes to the importance of what was here and what was not. What I need and what I don't need. Who I want to be a part of my life and who I would be better off without. This has not been easy by any means, but I have accomplished one true thing through this...and that is knowing what life is like without a lot of people whom at one time where a really huge part of my everyday. I have learned a lot from this, at the expense of being stressed and sad and lonely, yes, a lot of times, but I did it and I managed and I learned.

What I learned? There are new friends behind every corner, but the old ones you miss the most. There are people who care about me and love me no matter what, there are people who care about me and love me with some stipulations and rules, there are people who care about me and love me when its convenient....I learned there is a life out there that I can live without the advice of anyone else, I can do this thing without small talk or long, dragged out conversations. My life is God's and mine...we are and should be the only two people in control of it. Stand up for myself and know myself and do not question myself or my judgment because not everyone walks the same walk with the same pair of shoes on. And to know that and to feel that and never forget it. Don't second guess myself at the advice of other people. Take what they offer and fumble through it and decide for myself what it worthy and what is not. Don't let loving somebody lead you in the wrong places because people that do love you would never take you there in the first place. Take the intentions of friends with the benefit of the doubt the first time and maybe the second, but after that is it time to look at the big picture. I have learned that easy come, easy go it not that hard to accomplish physically, but memories are hard to bury.

I have also learned that some people, yes, I am better off without, but your not one of them.

OUR WEEKEND

Update on the dog...still have not gotten the shock collar. Maybe I won't. (?)
Maddax had the stomach virus last week. I was woken up this morning to someone else hurling in the bathroom...Jon. It was so funny to me because he came in there and woke me up and was like "Jennifer...I am sick. Jennifer. Did you here me?" Yeah, I heard you. I am lying there thinking...What do you want me to do about it? If he had hair I guess I would of felt inclined to go and hold it back for him, but he doesn't. Poor Jon. I hope no one else gets Maddax's stomach bug.

Jeanne, Lainee, & Jaxon came and stayed with us Friday night. It was good to see them. The kids played and played and played. We had a really good time. Saturday we went to the park and had a McDonald's picnic. We also rode a couple of rides, which was fun. And of course, Maddax loved the train. Our kids are getting so big. It is so weird how much they change and grow and learn. I am glad Jeanne and I got to visit, also. We had a lot of catching up to do.

Saturday we had a bunkin party of sorts. Was not planned, but kind of ended up that way. Maddax, Me, my friend, Sara, Misty and Jon...Maddax is such a little hostess. He totally cracks me up. My sister came and ate breakfast with all of us that morning. It was good to see her also. My sister has truly became one of my closest friends over the past couple of years.

Sunday was Wal-Mart day. Joy, joy, joy.

Maddax told me the dearest thing Sunday night. We were sitting outside and he was playing basketball. He says to me, "Mommy, I need tell you a secret." Ok. He comes and whispers in my ear, "I not leave you Mommy." It never ceases to amaze me just how much he can grab my heart. I don't know why he said that or what made him want to tell me that, but thank you, Maddax. "and I not leave you either."

FINALLY...a new post. I don't have much to say. I have been ultra busy lately or preoccupied, I guess. Sorry for no new news from me. What have I been up to?
Ballgame over the weekend, took Maddax to the zoo, train was broken...horrible, horrible. Took him four-wheeler riding to make up for the lack of train riding. Fighting not to put a shock collar on my dog. My neighbors are complaining. Stella just has the rep for being a barker, but she is not the culprit. Honestly, and they are blaming it on her. It is two dogs that live caddie corner, behind my house, if that makes sense. Our yards corner up to each other. I do not want to shock her. Poor Stella. Bastard neighbors. Although, my new neighbor next door is a very nice sweet girl. She loves Stella.

I bought Maddax his first "real" ball glove the other day. He is a very into baseball and basketball right now...The basketball is absolutely amazing. He has a six foot goal that is raised to five feet right now and makes every shot...it is raised as high as it will go being in the house anyway. The ceiling will not allow for it to be raised anymore.. Pretty good for a three year old, I think. We are still working on the baseball and why he can't throw the ball to mommy in the car while she drives.

Well, nothing to complain about. No drama, no madness, no problems here. All is well with us.

nothingness day

today...feels like i have done nothing productive, although i know that is not true...still seems that way. i am sitting here trying to resist the urge to run outside in the cool sunny weather and do cartwheels. i love this time of year. this is my happy time.

chris came by my work today. she was passing thru going to htown. she looks really cute with that basketball under shirt. wow! it is weird that my friend is pregnant and gonna be a mom. it is great.

you know you say (well to people with kids) "i'll be glad when you can wipe your own butt." to your toddler. it happened. he's wiping his own butt. he is also dressing himself. he has also become very opinionated here lately and a little sassy mouthed. i have been telling myself he is just a very expressive child, but maybe i am taking up for his behavior too much. bossy, bossy, bossy. he definitely doesn't get this extroverted personality from me, though. We will say he gets it from my dad and brother. or maybe he does get it from me...maybe i possessed this trait in early childhood before it was suppressed by the middle-child syndrome. who knows?

while i was watching Desperate Housewives the other night, Maddax was trying to tell me something. i kept telling him to "shh, shh...in a minute...just hang on..wait a second...(then, interrupted by a loud screech of "MOMMY, LISTEN TO ME. I TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!" grabbed remote and muted the tv...i think anybody would have. geesh he was almost scolding me. "what is it that you need to tell me?" i asked just knowing it was something earth shaking. "i go watch tv in my room." huh? okay.

he only wants to wear certain clothes these days, too, which makes quite interesting mornings around our house. let's see...white t-shirt, basketball shorts, thomas shoes (that i hope when he grows out of these no one will ever buy him another pair...thank you.) and let's not forget this morning...razorback jersey...because "that's like a big boy and a jon, mommy." whatever. Yes, he really does put the "a" behind his words. His favorite is "lika" as in "i lika this...i lika that." And no we don't have italian friends or italian cartoons, so go figure. I did watch the sopranos a lot while pregnant, though...hmm. I don't know, but my baby Hoffa is really growing up.

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND EVERY ONE. WE WILL BE RAKING THE YARD IF YOU NEED US.