HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!!

Every one have a safe and happy new year!!!
YEAH 2006!!!!

catching up...

and reminiscing the past year. Gosh, where did it go...

GOOD TIMES, GOOD FRIENDS....







As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.









So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minuteof happiness you'll never get back.

Something to Think About...

Something to think about...a glance back at your life.

CHRISTMAS CARD SPOILER!!!

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." Helen Keller

when you stop and look at how big of a problem it is in your in life...you may realize that it is not so big. the bigger problem is how much of your life it is consuming. so much that this problem is taking you away from the important things. casted aside because you don't feel like you can deal with it right now. stop running, stop thinking about it, put it aside and let it go. make list, prioritize, set some goals for yourself and your family and try to acheive them. this is not your fault and there is nothing you can do alone to change it or make it the way you would like to have it. it is all predestined to work out this way. so stop and let it go and grow in the life that is yours...the one that counts on you and the one that needs to be there in your fullest. this life that is yours is so much more wonderful than the life you think someone else needs to bring to you. and the sooner you realize this the better off you will both be. you are not broken or a half of a whole that is somewhere out there looking for you. your whole is right here. it already exists. stop trying to fix what really is not broken. open your eyes and look at the blessing of the life that you already have. you are not really alone. you are not really ever alone but putting off what is most important is not helping you in any situation that is created. stop trying to make this more and hold on to what you know is not real. trust what you feel. trust your experience. open your eyes and take hold of what i have already given you. the rest will come. remember, this is not for you to decide. it is all predetermined. let go of the bad and the past. all that you have is right now. next time, leave the door closed and keep it that way. if it needs to be reopened it should not be done by you. it is not something you can make happen or change or fix to make it how you think it ought to be. trust that it is how it should be.

Ok, for the lack of having anything else to talk about I am doing another list.

1. i cannot tolerate stinky bad smells
2. Dishes with food on them in the sink make me want to vomit
3. Wash clothes left in the shower disgust me
4. Water left around the back of the sink faucet...digusting as well
5. i remember the small stuff about people
6. Cinnamon gum breaks my tongue out
7. i am chewing cinnamon gum right now
8. i like the fact that i am left-handed
9. i am excited about christmas this year
10. i like to listen to people talk
11. i try to solve peoples problems
12. i like getting little suprises for people
13. my hair is all different colors...naturally
14. my favorite show is Grey's Anatomy
15. people always tell me their secrets...those "ok, i have never told anyone this before.." type stuff
16. it makes me feel gifted
17. i think i should of been a psyciatrist or a beautician...or both at once...aren't they kind of the same in a way
18. i am suppose to be writing a book
19. i love my friends
20. i love sundays
21. i want a house with a porch swing
22. and my own bathroom
23. i like to open windows
24. i should be working right now
25. i love golden grahams and cinnamon toast crunch
26. i want things i can't have
27. then i just want something else after i get it
28. 26 & 27 make relationships hard
29. i am a mother
30. i am divorced
31. i love chocolate candy
32. i don't like chocolate ice cream
33. i hated my freckles until i saw that nicolette sheridan had freckles. i thought and still do think that she is pretty...so i found acceptance in them. i was like eight and she play in Knot's Landing at the time
34. i like scruffy faces on guys...that's hot!
35. i have not done any christmas shopping yet
36. i will be glad to see 2005 go
37. my dog's name is stella aka houdini aka jailbird
38. my son is my heart
39. today is my nieces bday
40. fake people are funny to watch
41. i was in gifted & talented in school
42. our christmas pictures this year are very cute...i have to brag a little :)
43. i am bored with this list
44. will finish the list later

ok, so i have nothing really to talk about except the fact that i am so glad it is friday. i am glad christmas is next weekend, although i have a lot of shopping to do. i am trying not to stress about it. i am tired and bored. tired and bored.

My Little Man

These pictures are from this time last year (dec. 2004). My how you have grown. My joy, my heart, my sunshine, I am one of the luckiest people in the world and everytime I forget that all I have to do it look at you and then I remember. You make my heart sing.


I can find my favorite color everytime I look in your eyes. They are like the sky. Crystal, pure and full of sunshine and angels.
and when i am tired and feel like i can't do this one more day...you push me out of bed and into life. Thank you, God, for this wonderful, tiring, hair-pulling out, beautiful, unbelievable experience. Thank you, God, for my son. I love you.

MY DAY SO FAR...can YOU top this?

1. ended relationship with person

2. someone called the dog police on Stella...again (for no doghouse or water) SHE HAS A DOG HOUSE AND WATER...i wish people would mind their own business or come in the yard & look harder

3. cableman tried to disconnect cable...didn't happen, comcast and i are dispute about a bill and internet charges for the past couple of months...when i don't have internet at home

4. bank lost my deposit but managed to receive my check reorder form. got checks, no deposit...this is being investigated currently

5. bank account negative b/c of number 4!!!

6. monthly cycle caming crashing...while at work, with no supplies handy

7. dog got out through hole in fence this morning. i patched it...in work clothes, in the snow and ice

8. maddax's school shorted me one poinsettia...for some reason i think they don't believe me

9. it didn't snow enough to close work

10. i was late to work b/c i didn't know it snowed and my car was frozen

11. Dr. gave me some generic diagnosis as to what is wrong with my stomach. why doesn't she just say..."we are not real sure..."

12. had lunch encounter with non-relationship person that ended with a little crying, a couple of hugs, a whole lotta staring and a "for now this is the way this has to be, goodbye."

13. forgot to put on that kick-ass mascara...damn it.

14. have not eaten all day...see numbers 1, 11, 12, and 13

this was my day...all before 1:00 p.m. WTF? i can say this...i am a lot stronger than i give myself credit. no nervous breakdown, yet. just looking forward to going home and decorating our christmas tree with my son.....(and maybe a toddy or two :))

oh yeah, i am getting a raise and a bonus at work....i will definitely drink to that. i guess we take the good with the bad and deal. i need a prescription for that fuckitol.

This is Halloween. Boo at the ZOO!!!




TRIP TO ZOO!!!


Raking Leaves. We had 18 bags. WOW!!!

goodbye, Mister...

Well, I don't know where all this started and despite my reservations about putting this on my blog...i am anyway. Why? I dont't know. These are things I would rather not let anyone know at the moment, but I guess the fact of openness makes it feel more real and helps me let it go. Let it go, let it go, let it go...why is that so hard to do?

Maybe because last Saturday you called me because "you have to talk to me..." Ok. I go. Knowing, knowing, knowing that I shouldn't. Did it anyway. So its after midnight, right. Way after midnight. I go and meet you and we stand in the rain for what seemed like forever. Finally, you muster up the words, "can we sit in your car?" We do. You hug me. Hug me for a long time. My console is jabbing in my ribs and secretly I wish you'd stop, but you don't. Thanks. Now I have to cry. Cry because I do care about you and cry because I am deeply hurt by you and cry because I am so mad at you and cry because you can so easily seem to let things go and I cannot. Still hugging. Well...we sit back and just look at each other. Nothing has yet been said.

I look at the clock, it is 6:40 am. Yeah, 6:40 am. I realize that we had fallen asleep about the same you pop your head up looking at the clock as well. I can't believe we have been asleep in this car for hours...thats what you are thinking. I can't believe you called me here and didn't say a fucking word...thats what I am thinking.

We get breakfast and honestly at this point the last thing I want to do is eat. Slap you maybe? That still wouldn't make me feel much better. Then you get this bright idea that you want to show me something. As you say, Can I take you somewhere that's a suprise? Sure. Why not. We twist and turn down backroads and then finally come to the river. We sit. We get out. We go walk down these trails. You amaze me. Absolutely amaze me, as you tell me that this is your secret spot...where you go to be away and alone. We sit on some rocks on a sandbar and just look at the water and the birds and turtles and deer tracks, of course. I listen to you with your charming little stories and how you charmingly make me feel like the most special person in the whole world. For this moment....I forget about how you can't commit to me. I forget about how you have hurt me. I forget about the fact that I opened up my heart to you and you turned it away, but when this is over and we go our separate way. You in your vehicle...me in my car going in opposite directions...that is when I remember. That is when it starts to hurt again. For you, though, I think...that is when you forget.

You only care about me when you see me.