When do you stop trying?
When do you give up?

Do you stop...do you give up?

Do you forget your past and only look towards the future? How do you let go of the past...is this suppose to be easy or suppose to be that hard? And can your future really not develop without letting go of your past? Why does the past come back? Why do things you try so hard to get over and forget pop back up? Why do things from your past that you want to remember and want to renew stay gone? Is that the way it is suppose to be? You constantly are having to deal with overcoming the negativity of your past in order to be a stronger person, but the good things from that time have disappeared, written-off, forgotten. What's to learn from that? Good times go away, but the bad times follow you around like a lost puppy. Ok, Ok, Ok, I have learned, I am stronger, I am happy with who I am...so go away. Stop testing me...let me be me and let those that want to be a part of my life reveal themselves and not be too scared or too worried about what everyone else thinks to say so.

Say that we all make mistakes, you and I...because we are human. Say that you have missed me. Say that you are my friend. Say these things because you mean them or don't say them because you don't feel that way, but don't keep from saying them because too much time has passed or because my small world is not welcome in your big one because someone may feel I don't belong. Say you love me because you do.

Don't say your sorry. Don't apologize to me because we have both been wrong. And two wrongs don't make anything right. It only puts real what we have done and maybe that is not wrong. We let go...we let go of things to see if it would make it better. But I didn't really let go...just put it in my pocket for awhile...I've still been carrying you around with me everyday...waiting to see what would happen and if things would be better. Things are better, so much better, but not because of the lack of you being here, but because when I let go of you...I let go of everything/everyone else as well. Doing that opened my eyes to the importance of what was here and what was not. What I need and what I don't need. Who I want to be a part of my life and who I would be better off without. This has not been easy by any means, but I have accomplished one true thing through this...and that is knowing what life is like without a lot of people whom at one time where a really huge part of my everyday. I have learned a lot from this, at the expense of being stressed and sad and lonely, yes, a lot of times, but I did it and I managed and I learned.

What I learned? There are new friends behind every corner, but the old ones you miss the most. There are people who care about me and love me no matter what, there are people who care about me and love me with some stipulations and rules, there are people who care about me and love me when its convenient....I learned there is a life out there that I can live without the advice of anyone else, I can do this thing without small talk or long, dragged out conversations. My life is God's and mine...we are and should be the only two people in control of it. Stand up for myself and know myself and do not question myself or my judgment because not everyone walks the same walk with the same pair of shoes on. And to know that and to feel that and never forget it. Don't second guess myself at the advice of other people. Take what they offer and fumble through it and decide for myself what it worthy and what is not. Don't let loving somebody lead you in the wrong places because people that do love you would never take you there in the first place. Take the intentions of friends with the benefit of the doubt the first time and maybe the second, but after that is it time to look at the big picture. I have learned that easy come, easy go it not that hard to accomplish physically, but memories are hard to bury.

I have also learned that some people, yes, I am better off without, but your not one of them.