feeling content

I have to share this because I feel as if it has just hit me....CONTENTMENT. Finally, after 27 years of feeling incontinence in where I am in life it seems I have woken up into what is really mine and I am content with that. Yes, I may better my professional life eventually or move into a bigger house, but right now I see only what is here and for once in my life...it is okay. For once I feel like in six months I will not move to another city. That for me is huge step. Yes, I have contemplated moving over and over again in my head over that past year, but I am not. Bloom where your planted I guess...well, its seems as if I have finally gotten a few blooms. God willing, I know next year Maddax and I will be here. Somewhere along the unbeaten path things have fallen into place. Don't get me wrong...there are things I wish to change, places I want to go, things to do, failure to let go of, hurt and disappointment to forgive, but there are also as many positive things, probably more positive than the negative. And this didn't come from anyone else and I feel happy about a lot of things and that didn't stem from another person's influence or being...it has come from me. Not giving up when things have fallen apart over and over, but putting them back together differently than the way they were when they fell apart in the first place. And things surely will loosen and seem to fall apart again, but we will look at the pieces, put the good ones back, learn from the bad ones and let them go.

Knowing that things can and will get better and to finally believe it and to see that my buds will bloom if you give them a fair chance...well it kind of fills me up. My life, for once, has finally satisfied the unsatisfied person in me.