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i was very positive about the start of new year and the end of an old one. there is so much to be happy for right now and so much to be sad about. right now i feel a little numb inside. like if it hits me it won't stop hitting me until it breaks me. somebody has to be the strong one, right? like my brother looked at me when i told him in a way that said 'if you're not gonna cry...i'm not gonna cry' i didn't cry and he didn't either. i had already cried...a constant cry on the inside. my m.o. is more of the strength in the bunch...the one that holds together everyone so they can cry. he had that look on his face, though. my look. my i will be strong for you look. i don't get that look much from those that share my blood. it was a little weird, a little comforting, and in a way i just wanted him to cry b/c that is how it usually is and then i would say everything is gonna be alright.


As Jesus bore those stripes for us that we might be healed, please heal Mom