Big Sister

This is a story I wrote about three or four years ago.

Up until the time I was eleven years old, I was an only child. Then, for some unknown reason, Momma comes up pregnant. Why daddy and she wanted another child was beyond me. Lord knows we couldn’t afford it. I mean, Daddy had a decent job as far as I could tell. He was always gone though. He drove a big truck from Fountain Hill, Arkansas, which is where we live, to many states as far as the ocean. Momma didn’t work, which is why we didn’t have any money, I figured. Daddy, for some reason, didn’t think she should, but I didn’t see why not. If she did maybe they could afford more stuff I wanted, which that summer was a house with three bedrooms. Since Momma was having another child, I had to share my room. All my possessions had to be piled together in order to make room for a baby bed, a baby dresser, and a baby-changing table. Baby this and baby that was all I heard. Not to mention all the times Momma felt the urge to say, “Lotta, you’re gonna be a big sister, so you better start takin’ responsibilities.” I knew I was going to be a big sister, but frankly I didn’t care. So far, because of the baby coming, I had lost half my portion of my own bedroom, I was constantly nagged about being responsible, and I was never the topic of any more of my parent’s conversations. All they talked about was the baby, the baby, the baby.
Even the towns people only talked of the baby. When I would walk up town to get groceries, anyone I passed would ask me about the baby. One time me and momma were in the store and we seen Mrs. Merlyne, my Sunday school teacher, and of course, she had to start in talking to Momma about the baby.
“Oh, Sharon, your belly couldn’t get no bigger!” Mrs. Merlyne said.
“Tell me ‘bout it, Merl.” laughed Momma.
“How much longer?”
“Doctor says any day now.”
“How are you today, Little Miss Lotta?” asked Mrs. Merlyne.
I handed momma a block of cheese, pretending not to hear Mrs. Merlyne. Bad enough I had to deal with her every Sunday of every week. Even in the grocery store, and from the looks of her waistline it was the last place she needed to be. Mother nudged me with her elbow in efforts to make me speak.
“Fine.” I mumbled, just loud enough that she could barely hear. I stood there staring at her eyes. I knew what her next question would be. It was everyone’s next question, and this time I had the perfect answer. An answer so perfect, it made my insides feel wild and my heart race with enthusiasm. I stood there waiting finally it came.
“Aren’t you excited about the baby, Lotta?”
I stood there trying not to grin through my solemn face.
“What baby?” I asked with a concerned face.

The back of my head began to throb with pain, and Momma threw the block of cheese back into the cart. She didn’t think my answer was so clever, I guess.
After that incident, I knew Momma would ground me for a week, and then when Daddy got home, she’d tell him, and I’d be in trouble all over again. But, as we left the grocery store the strangest thing happened. I was walking in the parking lot of the store, looking down at the melting hot pavement wondering what my punishment would be for being such a smart ass to Mrs. Merlyne, when I noticed some liquid stuff falling out from under Momma’s skirt. About the time I began to think she was pissing on herself, Momma started bending over and moaning.
“Momma, what’s wrong with you?”
“My water broke. I think its time. Go inside and call an ambulance.
I didn’t even answer her. I just took off back in the grocery store. All I could think about was what everybody’d say if Momma dropped that baby right here in Kroger parkin’ lot. Damn, they’d probably even put it in the paper. I could see the headlines, WOMAN GIVES BIRTH ON ROW 5 OF KROGER PARKING LOT. I ran into Mrs. Merlyn on my way back in the grocery store. I told her about Momma. She squealed and waddled off as fast as possible screaming, “Call an am-bu-lance! Call an am-bu-lance!”
By the time the ambulance rolled into the parking lot on two wheels, Momma was laying on the pavement with half the town circled around her with wide-eyes and opened mouths. The men in blue uniforms put her in the ambulance and hurried me in behind her. We took off like a bat outta hell towards the hospital.

* * * * * * * *

“Lotta, Lotta… wake up. Wake up, Honey.”
I opened my eyes, and squirmed a little in the chair in Momma’s hospital room. Momma was lying on the bed. She looked like hell. So tired and weak. She was smiling at me, though, in a weird way that made her eyebrows rise almost to the top of her hairline. Then, a nurse came in carrying a bundle of pink blankets.
“You wanna hold your baby sister, Dear?” Asked the nurse.
“No, not right…” The nurse shoved the baby at me in a way that made me have to take her. I looked down at her small wrinkly face. She was so little. As I stared at her, I began to feel bad inside. Bad for the way I didn’t like her. Bad for the hell I had already caused her. She was so small and soft. She couldn’t take up that much room. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad with a baby around. My cheeks began to rise and a smile crept upon my face. I looked up at momma. She stared at me with a smile on her face that I hadn’t seen coming my way in a long time.
“I knew you’d come around.” she said.
I purposely straightened my face, cut my eyes, and turned my back to her, then I looked down in wonder at my baby sister and smiled.